


Love and Anxiety

by DivineVarod



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Caretaking, Established Relationship, Fluff, Love, M/M, OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 19:16:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6919726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lister had expected that his love would be enough to stop Rimmer's anxiety and OCD. What he had not expected was that love could give Rimmer something new to worry about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love and Anxiety

“Asparagus …” Rimmer muttered.  
  
“What?” Lister looked up at him in surprise.

“Asparagus, cheese, potato … salt, soufflé … No. Water. But water is fluid … so … where does that come in?”

“Arnold … what are you doing?”  
  
“Eating …”  
  
“That's not eating, buddy. Eating is when you don't talk."  
  
“I … I'm just sorting out the order in which it goes.”  
  
Lister felt alarm bells go off. He had seen Rimmer fuss about with his food for days now but had hoped against hope that it wasn't for the reason he feared. Sadly he was proven right.  
  
“Arn, I thought you were over that?”  
  
“Over what?”  
  
“Alphabetising your food. Why are you doing it again?”  
  
“Asparagus, cheese, potato … salt, soufflé … Asparagus, cheese, potato … salt, soufflé …”  
  
“Mr Rimmer, sir, the cheese and the asparagus have been baked together, they do not come in any order.”  
  
Rimmer's eyes shot up at Kryten, a fear locked within them.  
  
“I can't eat this.”  
  
He pushed the plate away and ran out.  
  
“Arnold, what's up with you?”  
  
\---  


“102, 103 …”  
  
Lister woke up and heard Rimmer mutter. He looked at the clock 4.30 AM.  
  
“Arnold?” He looked down and saw Rimmer brushing his boots, all of them.  
  
“Now what?”  
  
He jumped out of bed and went to his partner. Rimmer was shivering, he looked close to tears and exhausted.  
  
“Arnold, what are you doing now?”  
  
“I have to brush my boots one-thousand times every night.”  
  
“Every night? But … since when?”  
  
“Don't know.”  
  
“But it's 4.30, when do you sleep?”  
  
“Seven, I think, usually …”  
  
“But you get up at ten …”  
  
“Smeg it, I've lost count.” Rimmer started panicking. “Start again, I guess.”  
  
“No smegging way, you're coming to bed!”  
  
“It has to be done.” Rimmer's breathing became faster.  
  
Lister wrung the cloth from Rimmer's cramped hand.  
  
“No, it hasn't Arnold.”  
  
The slight panic became a full blown anxiety attack.

“No, Dave, please give it back. Please, I … I'm almost done!!”  
  
Lister grabbed Rimmer's cold flailing hands and pulled him towards him, the Hologram started wheezing and sobbing with panic.

“Let me finish this Listy, please. I have to do it, they said so.”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“The voices. They said if I don't …”  
  
“If you don't what?”  
  
“You'll leave me.”  
  
Lister enveloped the shaking Hologram in his arms.

“Then they're smegging liars, Arnold. Because I've got no intention of ever leaving ya no matter how many boots you shine or what order you eat your food in.” He looked at Rimmer's red raw hands. “Or how many times you wash your hands.”  
  
He sat Rimmer down on the edge of his bunk.  
  
“Arnold, I thought you were over this. What happened, why is it all back?”  
  
“I was so happy I got scared.” Rimmer said softly, his voice quivering. “Then Cat said he couldn't believe that we were together. That you'd dump me the moment you'd find Kochanski back. I wanted to ignore it, but my brain wouldn't let me stop thinking about it. Then the voices came back and … I didn't want to say. If you knew you'd might leave me anyhow. Then they said if I just kept doing these things …”  
  
Lister cradled Rimmer and kissed every bit of his face he could access.  
  
“Listen, this is what's gonna happen: One: I'm never ever leaving ya no matter what's going on in your mind. Two: Even if we'd find Kochanski it's over between her and me. We're together, forever. Three: You are gonna sleep in tomorrow and then have a proper meal in non alphabetical order. And four: I'm gonna kill the smegging Cat. Understood?”  
  
He rubbed Rimmer's back the Hologram was still breathing fast and shallowly.  
  
“Calm down Arnold. You need to get some rest.”  
  
Rimmer's head shot up and he looked at Lister his hazel eyes filled with desperate terror.  
  
“The voices won't let me rest. They keep talking. They're angry I didn't finish cleaning the boots.”  
  
“Lay down Arnold.”  
  
Rimmer shook his head.  
  
“I said: Lay down Arnold!” Lister was a lot more insistent now.  
  
Rimmer obeyed.  
  
“I have a ritual too. I have to kiss your face a hundred times tonight, else I can't sleep.”  
  
“Listy?”  
  
“Shush.”  
  
“One …” he begun.  
  
By the time he reached forty five Rimmer had finally fallen asleep.


End file.
